استغفر الله العظيم

An American toilet manufacturer is currently designing a new model that will "flush the bulkiest of Korans," sources said yesterday.

A spokesman for Krap King, Inc. said the company would have the new "Islamoflusher" model in stores for the spring, when Americans do their most flushing – sacred religious texts included. The new toilet would "help prevent and possibly eliminate" situations like the recent Newsweek story, which reported that American interrogators at Guantanamo Bay flushed a Koran down the toilet to "intimidate" suspected terrorists.

"The toilet backed up when the Koran clogged it," said an anonymous Krap King employee. "A detainee witnessed the whole thing, and...BAM! Next thing you know, there's 17 dead and hundreds injured during anti-American rioting. Our toilet will prevent such incidents. If an interrogator puts a Koran in, that sucker ain't coming back up."

Newsweek has since retracted the story, but Krap King is proceeding nonetheless. "Preventative measures," said an anonymous employee. "Plus, this is the toilet industry's big chance to shed its aura of obscurity and really make a splash."

The ACLU released a statement denouncing the toilet. "This toilet shall accommodate Talmuds and Bibles," the statement read. "And we're checking into sacred Hindu and Buddhist texts, too. We will not have the toilet industry marketing their product for the sole purpose of humiliating Muslims."

"We've gone after Big Tobacco and Big Oil before," the statement continued. "There's no reason why we won't confront Big Toilets on this issue."

"If Krap King can make an extra buck by being able to flush all the major religious books," said another employee, "get ready for our Atheist 4000 model."

UPDATE: you think this is it? Click here