I'm Not Crazy

Lately, I've been experimenting alot mixed up feelings and I thought thas normal due to what I've been through. Sometime I think I'm not really ok and that I'm only fooling myself jus to cope with reality.

I'm only happy when I'm working, once it's 3 PM and I leave work I change completely, I become this bitter person and I cry over nuthin at all.

I dun have the energy to even do laundry and I dun really eat anymore. I jus wanna stay in bed the entire time and watch "friends".

One of the guys at my old job told me to go see a doctor and that this might be a sign of depression. I told him even If I was depressed, he won't be able to help me. He won't gimme a new life nor make me forget everything I've been through. So we forgot about the whole thing.

It amazes me how I change once I leave home and once again when I leave work. Sometimes when I'm talking to someone I feel I'm not myself and thas not what I would say, a minute later I change my mind about everything I said to that person.

At work I do everythin in a certain order, I neva knew how much I'd freak out of one lil tiny thing changed!!!

I've been crazed with my mood swings, people at work been telling me to stick to what I want and go for it, instead I'm driving everyone else insane with me!!! I thought I'm doin this jus to be perfect in everything, but apparently thas not it.

I went on a field trip the other day and once I got inside their building I started hearing sharp piercing voices in ma head SCREAMING telling me to leave before it's too late. I was like whateva till I broke down and cried in front of everyone!!!

I was so embarrassed. I didn't even have a reason to cry!!! And when people were asking me what's wrong I didn't know what to tell them!!!

Am I crazy? Or I'm jus PMSing each and every day of my life!!!

I finally went to see someone with a friend and after I've explained everything to him he decided that what I have is sumthin called "bipolar" which is a mood disorder.

I dun believe in such things, And I refused to take the meds he gave me for it. I believe if one has a problem then he/she can face it, deal with it and then see the best way out of it.

I am trying to get back to normal. It might be hard but I know I can come over this.