I'm Not Crazy

tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13609417.post-31837561022939761042008-05-29T09:59:00.006+03:002008-12-12T08:41:32.651+03:002008-12-12T08:41:32.651+03:00I'm Not Crazy<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_zQ2g-SQo4gM/SD5calAI2yI/AAAAAAAAAcU/pGuMWMsO0yU/s1600-h/print-bipolar.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_zQ2g-SQo4gM/SD5calAI2yI/AAAAAAAAAcU/pGuMWMsO0yU/s320/print-bipolar.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5205699830965918498" /></a>Lately, I've been experimenting alot mixed up feelings and I thought thas normal due to what I've been through. Sometime I think I'm not really ok and that I'm only fooling myself jus to cope with reality. I'm only happy when I'm working, once it's 3 PM and I leave work I change completely, I become this bitter person and I cry over nuthin at all. I dun have the energy to even do laundry and I dun really eat anymore. I jus wanna stay in bed the entire time and watch "friends". One of the guys at my old job told me to go see a doctor and that this might be a sign of depression. I told him even If I was depressed, he won't be able to help me. He won't gimme a new life nor make me forget everything I've been through. So we forgot about the whole thing. It amazes me how I change once I leave home and once again when I leave work. Sometimes when I'm talking to someone I feel I'm not myself and thas not what I would say, a minute later I change my mind about everything I said to that person. At work I do everythin in a certain order, I neva knew how much I'd freak out of one lil tiny thing changed!!! I've been crazed with my mood swings, people at work been telling me to stick to what I want and go for it, instead I'm driving everyone else insane with me!!! I thought I'm doin this jus to be perfect in everything, but apparently thas not it. I went on a field trip the other day and once I got inside their building I started hearing sharp piercing voices in ma head SCREAMING telling me to leave before it's too late. I was like whateva till I broke down and cried in front of everyone!!! I was so embarrassed. I didn't even have a reason to cry!!! And when people were asking me what's wrong I didn't know what to tell them!!! Am I crazy? Or I'm jus PMSing each and every day of my life!!! I finally went to see someone with a friend and after I've explained everything to him he decided that what I have is sumthin called "<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bipolar_disorder">bipolar</a>" which is a mood disorder. I dun believe in such things, And I refused to take the meds he gave me for it. I believe if one has a problem then he/she can face it, deal with it and then see the best way out of it. I am trying to get back to normal. It might be hard but I know I can come over this.BLaShahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01008373821464813965me@blasha.com2